Just Catching Up...and a vent

Hi there! I am officially out of my "funk" and am feeling rather upbeat and spunky - back to my usual self...except when I'm premenstrual...but, that's a whole other post. I think I have really accepted this wait. Not that I am thrilled about it - but, maybe just come to terms with it. I just keep telling myself it's not a matter if if but when. And to be completely honest it wasn't the wait that put me in the funk - it was just the unknowns of it all. I found myself doubting - and then I realized (I am going to get all spiritual here) that there is a higher power in charge of this all - and I am not talking about the CCAA - He knows where my daughter is and He will get me to her when the time is right. I just wish I could see when that is going to be - but, I've accepted the fact that I can't and I will just keep forging ahead and living life - not just living it, but loving it too. I would hate to look back on this wait and realized I wasted a butt-load of time feeling sorry for myself. So...I'm back.

I've also realized that this blog is going to be my journal for A to read someday. It will not mean anything to her if I only post every two weeks or month - I mean - how will she know how I felt on the day she was born if I didn't write about my day that day. This blog needs to be for her as well as for me. So, a new goal - to post everyday and get back in the groove. I need to set aside blog-time each day and just write. There may be posts that I don't want her to read - that's the power of blog - I will just delete it - she doesn't need to know what a moron her mom can be.

We have officially started on our addition - they poured the footings yesterday and should be doing the floor joyces (sp?) and framing next week. I am getting excited. But, I still have this enormous bug to move. I have been dragging John and the boys from house to house and neighborhood to neighborhood - driving them all stark raving mad. It has nothing to do right now with my home. I love my home...and I know I will even more once our addition is finished. It's "this couple" near me. I am going out on a limb here even writing this because I know some of our mutual friends know my blog - who knows if they even read it - but, at this point I could really care less. I have to vent and I will vent here. John is exhausted from all of my boobing and so is my mom. I won't go into any particular details. But, it is so sad to me and has hurt me beyond I can express how destructive people can be to my children, my friendships and to be honest, my self-esteem. I have watched my E be excluded - which brings out the meanest bear in me - don't mess with my kids - there will be hell to pay. I have friends - well, who I thought were friends - sit and listen and not defend me and my husband, and I have had this particular couple talk behind my back and literally treat me like sh**. I do not have the personality to confront them - I have willingly called myself a spine-less wimp. Maybe I need to change that part of me and just confront them - but, then I wonder if it would do any good. So, then the most "logical" thing to do would be to move and run away from it all - terribly mature, I know. So, maybe once this addition is done we will put our house for sale and move - but, maybe by then everything will be fine and I will feel better about things. I told John I will give it 6 months or so and see where we're at...we agreed on that.

I have realized that I am a HUGE fan of Nacho Libre - don't ask me why - it really is such a stupid movie - but it cracks me up terribly - every time I see it it get funnier and funnier...who knew I would be a fan of Jack Black?? O can sing this song word for word - which is perhaps the cutest thing ever - he even does the actions. I need to film him and let you all see it -talk about cute...anyhoo - watch Jack sing this song at least 3 times - you'll laugh even harder each time. :)



I am on a HUGE organizing and cleaning spree in my house - I bought the book House Works - K - this book is AWESOME. Sincerely. It has the best ideas - that truly work. I have gone from room - to - room organizing and got myself on a cleaning system. She even has ideas for kids (and hubs) to get involved - she says they have to in order for a household to work -it is SO true. We've had some griping and some complaining - but, soon the system will be habit and it just works. I love, love, love it.

Lola is still not potty-trained and neither is O...it is driving me out 0f my mind. Lola is stuck in the kitchen at all times and O is still in pull-ups...any advice here would be great. I am tired. Lola will not "go" on the kitchen floor - which is why she is stuck there - but, I really want her to be able to be "in" the whole house...how do I do this??? And, I have potty-trained 2 other boys by the age of 2 1/2...O will be 3 in just a month or so and he is so not close. It's like he just doesn't care. He knows when he needs to go - I totally know he is ready is is just the most stubborn kid - I am ripping my hair out here...

Anyhoo - there is the latest in my little world...I am off to visit your blogs - which I do most days anyway - but, today I will begin to finally comment again - Goodbye bogger funk!!!