Random Blogging

I think about A all of the time. If you can believe this I have held true to my word and have not said anything to J about adoption since the Saturday we went to the seminar at WIAA. I can’t tell you how much self-control it has taken. She is honestly on my mind constantly. Some days I am bursting at the seams…I just want to scream at J – “WAKE UP ALREADY!” I want to talk about her – about my feelings, about my experiences. But, at this point I really think it would do more harm than good with J. He needs to find the answer on his own and at the right time. Patience…ugh!
Christmas Eve at my parent’s house was wonderful. It is so nice to be with everyone. It is an emotional night for many of us – some it is not so emotional – or it is and they don’t show it…I don’t know which it is. Probably both. I opened my gift from my nephew B – Jenn was the brains, muscle and heart behind it. It is a Family Home Evening Chart. It has six hooks so each member of the family will know their assignment for the night – whether it is the lesson or song or scripture. She painted five of the nametags with each one of our names – but there was one blank one. It took a lot for me not to break down right there. I did tear up a little – but I sucked the big ones back – I didn’t want to make a scene. When we got home that night G informed J and I that the blank one was for his Sister in China…I was grinning inside.
Christmas was also very nice. J woke up rather grumpy – but, luckily he was able to work through it and he either cheered up or he faked it nicely. I need to figure out how to cure his lack of Holiday Spirit. Oh well. He really gave me a nice Christmas. I was able to have my eyeliner put permanently on (E claims I have tattoos on my eyes – they are NOT tattoos – rather what I like to call permanent cosmetics – I hope this decision doesn’t bit me in the butt someday!). He also got me my favorite socks “Smart Wool” to keep my toes comfy warm, and also some really fabulous clothes. He really spoils me. I was however a little disappointed – I guess I was hoping that he was going to surprise me and let me know his heart was changed and he knew we had a daughter in China – that I had been right all along and we need to get started on the adoption ASAP…maybe for my birthday? (haha)
My boys are spoiled…you should see what was given to them for Christmas. I don’t know where it is all going to go. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful kids. They are a little loud at times and they run me ragged most days – but I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything. It is the most fulfilling job in the world. Some may disagree – but, there is no paycheck that can compare to the wet kisses from one (or all) of your children. No one can make me laugh so easily or make me cry so fast or make me yell louder than my boys (J included) – What did I ever do to deserve to be so lucky?
And so the last week of the year moves on and as I look back on ’05 I am OK with how things went – I have a lot to improve on and even more to work on – So, looking forward to ’06 I feel motivated and ambitious…hopefully it will last.
Maybe this time next year we will have started the process to bring A home and most of the space on my blog will be documenting our adoption Journey. If not, I am sure there will be a reason.