We are only about three months into the wait and I am already feeling discouraged. This is not good...Maybe it is just a phase that will pass, but right now it feel like time is standing still. Will it ever be our turn?? I am worried, some days I can't even turn on the news. I wondering what little thing is going to turn off China Adoption. I HATE this! I HATE feeling this way. I wish I were like J and could just keep living, thinking about the adoption occasionally, just knowing that it will happen. This is not like me. I don't worry constantly about things, I don't get stressed out. I am laid back, I take things in stride - I AM AN OPTIMIST...but why not now? Why not during this wait?? I wander the internet looking at the rumor queens site - which is never good news...why I do this to myself is beyond me. I wonder what everyone else's agency is telling them - as if what my agency has told me isn't real. I question everything -the feelings I have had, the impressions I have felt, the feelings in my heart, soul and mind...were they real? Am I kidding myself...will we ever bring our sweet A home?? Tonight my home is quiet. J is to the Jazz game, my three boys are asleep, my home is clean and peaceful - but, my heart hurts. I need to go to sleep - maybe I will be blessed with a dream of my little girl.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Time is Standing Still
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4 comments:
She will get here. Mine will get here. We have to keep our chins up and an upbeat attitude. Sounds like we need to do a little shopping therapy. It has been a rough couple of days here too.
I think we all go through these kinds of feelings. They wax and wane. I empathize with you as do many others. Sometimes even just a song will bring tears to my eyes for the absence of our children. I wonder if ever I will be blessed with a child of my own. When, how, why? These answers come with patience and time. Let your faith guide you through, bring you hope and give you strength to see it till the end
This wait makes us all crazy.
It's the unknown that makes you insane.
I had a turn around in my attitude around the fifth month.
I have "chilled" out alot.
Good luck!!!!
You're not alone.
You are not alone in this journey and in your feelings! Somedays I am just the way you describe and then other days it's like a totally different person and I have a great outlook on the whole process. In the end we have to keep reminding ourselves that our turn will come, our daughters will be home with us and we will have exactly what we are all looking to have, our daughters in our arms.
Tracy
7/6/06
www.waiting-for-emma.blogspot.com
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